The fact that it’s 2024 and this needs to be said is dispiriting.

As to the ongoing debate about men wearing Crocs…there isn’t one. If you have someone in your circle wearing these things within eye shot of anyone that isn’t obligated by blood to love them, you’re part of the problem.

Imagine you're strolling down the street approaching a beautiful lady of high esteem, feeling like you've got the world at your feet, but then you look down, and what do you see? Crocs. Those rubbery abominations that make you question everything you thought you knew about being cool, suddenly your confidence is shot.

These things scream "I gave up on life" louder than George Costanza’s sweat pants capsule collection. Lets not ignore the colorways in which these things are offered, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Looks aside, Crocs are about as comfortable as sleeping on a bed of nails. Sure, they might feel like walking on clouds for the first five minutes, but then the rubber starts rubbing, the holes start digging, and before you know it, you've got blisters the size of guitar picks.

Some people will argue practicality. Sure, if you’re a toddler they’re pretty utilitarian. Or if you’re walking through a swamp. But try wearing them on a hike or on your first Hinge date and wait about 30 seconds for the wave of regret that is sure to drown you.

You know who would’ve never worn Crocs? Dylan McKay.

So, gentlemen, do yourself a favor and leave the Crocs in the back of your closet where they belong. Your feet—and your reputation—will thank you.